Look Who's Alone Now

I feel like I heard this song 50 times this weekend, and amidst hearing those lyrics, as well as a series of other events, I did an extreme amount of thinking.

Loneliness is something I often think about. I don’t know why, I suspect it maybe has something to do with the fact that I’ve never really been in a position to be lonely, so I was always very conscious of people who I perceived were lonely. I’ve always been really sensitive, and I would really hurt for seniors if I ever saw them eating ice cream in DQ alone, etc…. When I lost people to suicide, it always hurt so much to think of how alone they must have felt.

I think the last couple of years have taught me something about loneliness. I remember getting on a plane to go to a mystery country in Asia last year, not knowing anyone on my team. I’d come off a particularly difficult 8 weeks of life, and desperately wanted to be close to people who I could lean on. I wasn’t afraid of the trip I was embarking on, but I was afraid to be alone.

I’ve also been someone who has always been pretty comfortable with being single. I’ve had my normal girl moments, but for the most part enjoy having guy and girl friends, and them being less complicated by staying as friends. However I have to admit that over University and as I enter my career stage in life I’ve definitely had flashes of insecurity where I’ve wondered if I’m destined to be alone.

I could go on about how there have been situations where I’ve felt like I’m completely in it alone, but this is supposed to be more of a hope-filled blog J Despite the above situations, God totally came through. Now first of all, I’ve always recognized even amongst the above situations, that God is always there for me- but it’s still nice to have people with skin around. And the amazing thing is that God has always provided (haha, though for anyone gasping in air right now I have not got married, nor am I seeing anyone). But- God has still provided me with amazing people!

On OEX I had a super team, and an incredible roommate who encouraged me to lean as far as I wanted. In every situation and even in singleness, God has given me super friends to support me and to have fun with! Even as I embark on this journey, and head to Guelph where I feel like I know next to no-one, I met some of the team of people I’ll be working with (on Monday) and once again felt like God was providing. They are amazing, and I’m really excited to have them be a part of this time in my life.

So case in point, God provides me with what I need even if I’m slow to recognize. And though the lyrics, “I walk this lonely road…” have occasionally harassed me, it’s just a matter of seeing them for the lie they are- because God has provided me with an amazing family for this journey! Look who’s alone now- it’s not me!

Jennifer Grace McMullan, BSc

There were times during the past four years that I seriously wondered if I would get to the point where I could walk away with a BSc. Despite the challenges of the last four years, being in Science taught me a lot about perseverance. By persevering through the long labs and challenging exams I managed to make it to my end goal. If I had quit while in the midst of a night of difficult studying, I would have completely missed out on the celebration of receiving my degree. Now at this point in the game I can’t help but wonder if four tough years is really worth a yellow hood and a framed piece of paper. In this case, I feel confident in saying yes. I did learn a lot about Science, and it was great to broaden my horizons in scientific knowledge. But, I think just as, or even more important were the lessons I learned about life and about myself. I feel like I did a lot of growing up during my undergrad years, and I’m amazed at the way God brought me to one place in order to point me in the right direction.

I think I’ll end up reflecting more about this later, as I’m realizing that the severe sleep deprivation I’ve managed to accumulate over the last week is definitely catching up to me. My mind keeps racing ahead, and then all of a sudden it has fallen way behind to where it was two sentences ago. This has been quite the week, I finally arrived at convocation station, got hooded, admitted, and got the Bachelor of Science degree I sweated after for four years. Today, I saw my efforts put toward my dad’s campaign launch come together. We had a great crowd out, and sound equipment and food went well. My dad gave an excellent speech, and though we had a brief loss of a few papers from the wind, he recovered perfectly and all went well. It was somewhat surreal to be sitting and listening to my dad talk about his vision for the city I grew up in, and then heading down to City Hall to file the official paperwork. It was strange being back there after being there so often growing up, and to once again have the media hanging around.

All in all, it has been a crazy week full of nostalgia, stress, smiles, balancing support raising with a campaign launch and convocation, and little room for sleep. I’m somewhat sad to see it all officially behind me now, but mostly excited for what the future now holds. I now hold a degree that is an accomplishment necessary to work full time in a job I love and believe in, another step complete. My dad now holds the papers that are allowing him to take the next step toward a job he also loves and believes in. As I continue ministry partner development, and my dad continues on in his campaign, the slogan he has chosen seems even more significant… “Yes We Can.” The best part about that “we” is that it includes a loving God who will be helping me along the way.

Welcome to the World, Jennifer Grace.

It would appear that I have decided to take a plunge into the world of blogging. Can't promise how long it will last, or how interesting my entries will be, but I think keeping people posted on my life as it progresses would be a good thing. Considering there have been so many changes over the last couple of months, and will be many more in the months to come, I figured this will be the simplest way to keep people informed, or at least practice letting the creative juices flow.

So, a quick review. After a drawn-out and tearful goodbye to the Forest City of London, and moreso the amazing people I'm blessed to have in my life, I literally got on a jet plane and took off to beautiful British Columbia. There God continued to bless me by putting more amazing people in my life path, and overall the 10 or so days in B.C. were filled with learning, laughs, embarrassing moments (could anyone tell me what day it is?), hockey play-offs, reminders of why I'm getting involved with such an awesome ministry, and some slightly overwhelming realizations. Overall I had an amazing time, and truly enjoyed my time while it lasted.

While in B.C. I was asked to join the Guelph Staff Team, which I’m extremely pumped about! For any of you wondering what on earth I’m talking about… I’ve joined staff with an organization called Campus Crusade for Christ, and will be working with students at the University of Guelph (please call or e-mail me if you’d like more info). I’ve heard great things about the people already working hard at Guelph, and I met lots of amazing Guelph people at training (MET).

After MET I was whisked back to St. Catharines where I promptly dealt with not sleeping for a long time due to a red-eye flight, and then drove to London to pack up my life (I did not have time between exams and staff training). I spent 5 wonderful, yet hectic days in London, frantically organizing databases, sending letters, and packing up my room. I came back to St. Kitts and hit the ground running with support raising, and later took a day trip out to London with my Dad to bring home my furniture and boxed up life.

Support raising so far has been interesting. I have made several realizations, two of which being that I LOVE meeting with people and sharing my heart, and secondly that I really don’t enjoy asking for help. God has been teaching me so much about trusting Him, and then trusting others, surprisingly it can be done; though, my heart still beats fast and I sweat a little every time I have to call someone. But God has been gracious and I’m continually being pushed out of my comfort zone in a good way!

Well, I think that’s enough of a novel for one entry! Catch you later!